Now that Mother's Day has been celebrated and put away until next year, I am afraid my real feelings have to be shared.  Mother's Day in all its commercialism and sometimes hokey celebrations, is far removed from the way I think it should be.  I don't mind the day, but I do mind the way it is sometimes celebrated.

Please don't misunderstand and assume that my sentiments are a result of hurt or latent anger.  I am blessed to have a loving mom, and I am blessed to have four children of my own.  Those relationships are wonderful and I was heart-broken not to be with my mom this year.  So where did this intolerance for Mother's Day come from?

When I was a child, I never thought anything of the day except that it was exciting and I couldn't wait to give my mom whatever it was that I had made in school.  She was always gracious and appreciative and that was that.  Then I got into my early adult years and began to see how so many churches all celebrated the same way:  there were the prizes (Who was the youngest mom?  Who was the oldest mom?  Which mom had the most kids?  Which mom had traveled the farthest to be at church?  etc.)  Then the sermon would somehow tie into the preacher's saintly mother and the church would be crowded because all the far-flung children had come home for a day to be with their mothers.  The women were adorned with flowers and everyone would glow, but things were different after Marie.

Marie was a retired teacher without mother or children.  Her mother had always been her companion, and the mom's death left Marie despondent.  After retirement, her primary social contact was church, but the Mother's Day celebrations were excruciating.  She had no one to celebrate or to celebrate her. 

A few years later I met Karen.  She was like Marie in that her mother had passed away and through no choice of her own, was childless and spouseless.  Mother's Day was painful for her, too, but she sat gamely through the church celebrations and never complained.  What bothered me most was that she, like so many others, thought the day was so sacred that she had no right to be around me that day - just because I had kids.

Last year I was thinking about the day when my friend admitted to me that she was nearing the end of her baby dreams. When she said, "It's probably not going to happen for me," her pain was so pure that I wondered what Mother's Day must be like for her when every church offers a "gift for every mother" and for weeks beforehand every store ad shows the expensive gifts each mother is "owed."

So what do we do here?   Last year it was skipping church and then a walk by a lake and shuffle-board.  This year found us with a cold all-day rain and kids with the flu, and so we stayed home, played lots of board games and ate Costco pizza.  I finished the day with a long call to my mom.   In short, I've had two absolutely perfect Mother's Days.


All these thoughts were twirling around in my mind, and then I read Jeanelle's post about Mother's Day and the thoughts did more than twirl!

And now Checkered is wondering how I feel about Father's Day